The Perils of Potty Training
by TheIncredibleDancingBetty
Summary: Have you ever wondered what it was like for Splinter, potty training four turtle tots at the same time? Hilarity is sure to ensue! Please R&R Anon reviews welcome!


I don't own the TMNT

A/N: This is a thought that seized me as my 4 year old son, after two years of being potty trained, abruptly started wetting the bed once again. The potty-training tales are from personal experience with my kids, word of mouth and some odd personal stories that I read on the internet. Donatello, admittedly, will be mimicking the potty-training escapades of my daughter, since she reminds me of him SO much.

A word of caution: I stink royally at doing that cutsey-child-voice, my daughter was always so articulate and my son mimicked her, so if you must have typical child mis-pronunciations, please forgive my lack thereof. Hope you like it alright!

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Chapter 1: Day 1

I knew that soon things would have to change.

I leaned against the doorway, a sigh escaping my lips. Looking at my sons, my nose twitched. The odor from their diapers was...obvious, but that was not the issue. Disposable diapers were not only difficult to come by, but were also nearly impossible to put on the turtles. Their shell made things difficult, to say the least. I did manage to find some cloth diapers, though, and I was able to get them on with some creative safety pin work and a belt that went across their shoulders, acting as a sort of suspenders. This was difficult, of course. Not only difficult to put on them, but difficult for them to accept. After all, they were not accustomed to such things.

Strange thing was, that I did not really have to worry about it before. We lived day to day in the sewers, never in the same place twice. I had not bothered with diapers of any sort before. After all, we lived in the sewers, what damage could they possibly do if they messed on the ground? I know it was irresponsible to handle things that way, but things were so difficult, just in surviving, that I had let it slide. So I simply washed them off when needed. If they wanted to snuggle against me at night time then I placed a blanket between us, just in case.

But we had found a suitable location, a place that I was sure we could begin to call our home. Our prior way of dealing with things would not work here. I did not want to step in piles of feces or puddles of urine. So I had acquired some cloth diapers. But, of course, they were not used to it, and tended to fight it.

Perhaps it was time to take a different approach.

Cocking my head, I assessed them. True, they had been mutated a little more than a year ago, but they looked larger than that. After all, they were able to walk on two legs relatively soon after mutation. Though I did not have a lot of time with children before my own mutation (or perhaps I simply did not pay much attention, save my own infant daughter) but they _looked_like two year olds, they were as big as them at least. And that was the age where potty training generally began, right?

With a sigh I massaged my temples. For the umpteenth time I wished that Tang Shen were with me. How would she handle such a thing? She would no doubt be so good at this.

But surely potty training could not be all _that_hard, right?

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I was starting my second cup of tea before the time came to wake them, in keeping with the new regime that I had begun since the week or so when we had moved in here. I know that training technically had not started yet, (I intended to start within at least a year, bare basics, of course) but I wanted to get them on a schedule nonetheless.

Getting up, I walked by the bathroom area. It had no door, but of course that was of no matter. I had found two little, ah, 'potty stools' a few days ago. They were very short, just right for their little legs. To top it off, they had little turtles decorated across the seat. Amusing, to say the least. Yes, I only had two, but that should not be too much of an issue, surely. Setting them down side by side next to the adult toilet, I smiled. A bit crowded, but it would work. I only thanked my lucky stars that I had more experience fixing toilets then everything else in this place. After so long scrounging in the sewers, it was nice to have a functioning toilet.

Leonardo and Donatello awoke easily, looking up at me with their bright eyes and giving me a smile. I could not help but return it, patting their heads as they sat up and stretched. Though Donatello was dry, Leonardo's rump made a decidedly squishy sound. I wrinkled my nose at the smell that came with the movement. For a moment I started to think of the two spare cloth diapers that I had, even turned to get one, until I remembered my plan. I smiled, perhaps I could try this out on Leonardo first; he was normally the best when it came to listening. Though he wriggled uncomfortably, I left him in it for now. I could wash him off when I took them all into the restroom.

Raphael and Michelangelo took a little more prodding, as usual. Michelangelo let out a petulant whine that set my teeth slightly on edge. After rolling over and trying to ignore me the third time I tried to wake him, I finally just yanked the covers back and, picking him up, dropped him on the floor. He yelped on impact. Looking bewildered, he stared at me with wide eyes, likely wondering how he got there.

Glancing over my shoulder I saw Raphael staring at me with intense eyes, flitting them over to his little brother before going back to me. When I took a step towards him, however, he scrambled out of the bed so fast that, if it would have been a normal bed and not just a toddler's mattress on the floor, he might have fallen.

I eyed them as they made their way out. Raphael and Michelangelo had urinated in their diapers, so all of them besides Donatello were doing an odd sort of wide-stanced walk that reminded me of a cowboy on one of those movies. The three looked up at me with expectant eyes. Leonardo motioned to his diaper, wrinkling his nose. "Icky! Wet!" He gave me a winning smile. "Please?"

Now was the time! With a smile, I shook my head. "No, my sons. There will be no more diapers for you! I have a surprise."

Of course this made them all excited and they began to hop up and down. Eying the diapers somewhat nervously, wondering if they would hold under the pressure, I led them to the restroom area. With a proud flourish, I showed them their potty chairs.

I did not get the reaction I had expected.

Cocking his head, Donatello assessed with his eyes before looking up at me, confusion in his face. "Huh?"

Michelangelo giggled, pointing at the little turtles that decorated the seat. "Tuh-tles!"

Raphael, after giving them a quick glance, turned to head back to the table for breakfast, clearly not impressed by them.

Leonardo simply looked acutely uncomfortable, giving me a look out of the corner of his eye that let me know he was nervous about the entire thing.

I motioned again towards the potty chairs. "Sit." Surely they would know what to do. It was not _that _hard.

They all stared, none of them moving an inch.

Staring at them, I felt perplexed. Maybe they were not certain where to sit. Grabbing one, I scooted it forward, closer to them, pointing to it once more.

Several of the turtles backed up a few steps.

Irritation flashed within me. They were turning something so simple into something more complicated than it had any business being.

Enough of this.

Calling Raphael back over to the restroom, I quickly began to strip them of their diapers, wiping down the legs and bottoms of the three that had messed themselves. I eyed the soiled diapers with more than simple distaste, wondering if I should just throw the things away now that they would not be using them anymore. With a sigh I set them aside. After all, you never knew and since moving here I was loathe to throw anything away.

Pointing to the potty chairs, I explained to my sons how it was going to be. "Listen, no more diapers!" Their little faces broke into wide grins. "From now on, you must do your business in these chairs. Just like a grown-up."

Leonardo smiled at this, but still looked unsure. He was just smiling for my benefit, since he thought it was what I wanted. I stared at him a moment. Perhaps it would be best to start with him. Out of all the turtles, he was the most inclined to listen, after all. I told him to sit down and pee. He didn't move. Picking him up by the armpits, I plopped him on the potty chair. He instantly froze, holding his little body as if he expected it to bite his bottom. I motioned to him. "Go!" He stared up at me, confusion etched on his face.

I will admit, I was confused as well. Why didn't they understand? I wriggled my clawed fingers in what I thought of as an imitation of fluid. "Urinate. Go pee."

Everyone stood there staring at him for a long moment. All expected him to do what this strange new thing that I was expecting of them. Looking around with wide eyes, everyone staring at him, putting him on the spot, Leonardo's lip began to tremble. He knew that I expected something of him, but he did not understand what. When Raphael sneered at him teasingly, fat tears began rolling down my oldest's cheeks.

Glaring at Raphael for teasing his brother, I decided that he should be next. I picked him up and attempted to sit him down on it as well. Seeing where he was about to be placed, some sort of fear came into his eyes. As soon as his bottom came near the chair, he started to fight. Taken completely by surprise, I tried to grapple with him, forcing him down to the chair. "Stop fighting, Raphel! It is just a toilet! Why are you doing this!" I was at a loss, yet something in me made me try to force the situation. It seemed like such a simple task, the fight he was giving me was frustrating me to no end. As soon as his bottom touched the chair, he let out such a high pitched scream that it startled me, causing me to let go of him. He bolted from the room.

Michelangelo giggled happily, clapping his hand at the entire scene. Picking up the potty chair, he set it on his head and jumped up and down, giggling, as he proceeded to wet himself. Seeing that urine hit the floor, a new frustration seized me. I yanked it off his head, threw it to the ground and practically tossed him on the chair, eager to catch some of the urine. Of course, as soon as his bottom graced the seat, he was done.

Donatello watched this with wide, curious eyes.

The entire Lair was a cacophony of Leonardo's crying, Raphael's screams, and Michelangelo's giggles. Hopping up, my youngest started to dash about. Of course, he slipped on his own urine and landed flat on his shell. As soon as his head connected with the floor, he started to cry. Immediately I turned towards him, helping him to his feet to comfort him, wrinkling my nose at the acrid smell of urine that had sprinkled over him because of the fall.

Leonardo took that opportunity to sneak hastily out of the room, his face a mask of confusion. He was upset, after all he knew that something was expected of him and he had failed miserably to deliver.

Wiping Michelangelo down and mumbling soothing sounds, I stared in disbelief at the chaos around me. Raphael was now hiding somewhere in the Lair, his scream still ringing in my ears. Leonardo was sitting in his time-out spot, certain that he had done something wrong. Michelangelo had recovered from his fall and dashed forward once more, only to once again slide on his puddle of urine. Donatello was staring at all of it, a slow smile spreading on his face.

I had thought that this was going to be so easy.

I had thought that I had everything planned out.

Clearly, there was more to this potty-training business than I had originally thought.

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A/N: I know not much in this one, but more will come, I promise! The rest of the story will be a little broken up, with a cataloguing according to the time lapse. Special request: If you have an interesting potty training story, feel free to pm me and share! You will get full credit, I want to make this as interesting as possible. *pats him on the shoulder* Poor, poor Splinter! In any case, please leave a review and let me know what you think!

**ALERT!** TMNT Competition has started! It is the reading period right now, time to read all the stories and authors nominated, and there are A LOT! Be sure to log on and support your favorite authors and stories! The link to the site is on my profile. PM me if you have any questions. You don't have to be an author to participate. Hope to hear from you!


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